It gets better
by Chibilice
Summary: After Grimmjow's death, Ichigo can't handle life without him. Mature themes.


He never would have thought that the only person that would understand him would be Inoue. Chad and Ishida really didn't get it. Why would they...?

He put a hand over his eyes. Inoue should hate him now rather than sympathize with him. After all... he was the one that killed Ulquiorra.

He dropped the hand and reached into his pocket. His shinigami badge was there, as always. He examined it closely. It looked worn out. Exactly as he felt.

"Kurosaki-kun!" He heard a familiar voice call him. He turned and looked straight at Inoue. She was all smiles, as always. Her baby bump started showing.

"Inoue." He tried smiling back, but failed miserably. He ruffled his hair and looked at her. "You're not going to be able to participate in lessons in a short while."

"Unfortunately." Her smile faded a little. "I considered being home schooled but I'm not going to be able to support myself and my education."

He noticed her hairpins were now on the left side of her collar. He shut his eyes.

"Inoue...?"

"Is there something wrong?" She asked quietly. He leaned against a wall and opened his eyes. He looked at her.

"I killed him."

"I don't blame you. You weren't in control of yourself or your actions. Please stop making yourself miserable because of this. It gets better."

He raised his eyebrows.

_Why...? Is she like this because she has to take care of herself for the baby?_

"Is it already better for you?" He asked. She hesitated.

"... Not really. Not yet, at least. But I'm hoping that when I give birth to my child... it's going to be better."

He sighed.

"Why do you put on a smile, Inoue?"

"Because I believe that smiling is very healthy." She answered. "I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun, I have to go now. Tatsuki-chan is coming over to my house and I have to make something yummy! I'll see you later. Please stop beating yourself up." She waved at him and went off.

He looked at his watch.

_This is gonna be a long afternoon..._

He came back from his martial arts practice and went straight to his room, not even bothering to go and eat. It wasn't dinnertime yet and his dad always got annoyed when he didn't want to eat dinner so Ichigo figured out it would be easier this way. He put his bag down and laid flat on his back. He closed his eyes.

_Grimmjow..._

It always looked the same. This time was no different.

They were on the desert of Hueco Mundo, outside Las Noches. Just finished fighting, Grimmjow was laying down, his Pantera a few steps away from him. Ichigo approached him and sat down.

"You won."

The arrancar smirked at him.

"Of course I did..." He rolled over, making Ichigo lay beneath him. He licked his cheek. "I always win."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow and pushed him off.

"I'm not exhausted yet. Keep on trying, Grimmjow."

The arrancar ghosted his lips over Ichigo's neck and then bit it. Hard. He looked at shinigami's face.

"Keep on trying, huh? I betcha you'll be passed out in no time."

"Try me." He was daring, he knew that. But if he had to choose one thing he liked the most about Grimmjow... he would probably say it was how rough the arrancar was. He could see _it_ in his eyes.

"Will do." He snickered.

"Ichi nii!" Karin's voice broke through his sleep. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. This was bad. He looked at his watch. It was dinner time and he... He looked down at his jeans and blushed slightly. He got up and opened the door.

"Give me a couple of minutes!" He called to his sister and sneaked into the bathroom. He locked the door. "Damn it..." He breathed and undid his fly. He reached into his boxers and wrapped his slim fingers around his length, picturing the arrancar taking him in his mouth and tightened his grip. He bit down on his wrist, desperately trying to stop quiet moans escaping his throat. The steady movements of his hand accelerated and were now almost frantic. It didn't take long until he came to his peak, closing his eyes and whispering a quiet "Grimmjow".

He looked at the bite mark on his wrist.

_It won't get better, Inoue._

He started cleaning himself up.

_Not for me._


End file.
